something i hate about myself.....
i have an inability to interact apporpriately in social situations. i suck at small talk, i get nervous and overthink everything i say. i come off like an idiot and hate the words coming out of my mouth. i feel like when i talk to people that they are looking for an escape. the thing is that i am not an idiot, i have valid thoughts, ideas and beliefs. i just put so much pressure on myself to say the "right" things and not to seem stupid that i just get flustered and end up with diarrhea of the mouth. i just can't shut up and i say stupid things - it's like my filter turns off.
my biggest fear with my lack of social graces is that i will be a negative influence on avery and carson. avery is such a social being and loves being around people and will talk to anyone. i don't want to screw that up with my own insecurities. i make an effort to take her on playdates, to the park and to the library where she can play with other kids. i try so hard to chat with the other moms, but it just doesn't come naturally for me. i feel like an outsider around the mommy squads. everyone else seems to have such an easy time of the social rules. i want to be that kind of mommy, i don't want avery or carson to be embarrased by me because i can't have a conversation with their best friend's mom without alienating her.
i hate that i can't make friends. i hate the effect that it may have on my childrens' abilities to make friends. i hate that, as hard as i try, i can't do better.
I think all mommy's feel this way atleast to an extent and particularly when there kids are small. :) I know I do. Just realize the other Mom's have insecurities to. Perhaps they have just known these other Mom's longer. Just be yourself! :)
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